P.S. I've another Blog

http://www.o-livejuice.blogspot.com Just another place for me to write. I think the name's more me, anyway... ;)

1/1,000,000 Kaitlin Remembrances

So, it was a year ago today that my sister-in-law Kaitlin decided to leave us. Anniversaries of deaths are so strange to me because a year and a day ago she was still here. It's just weird. I know that my other sister-in-law and my mother-in-law are having a really hard time today, and I just hope that every day gets a little easier for them. Even in the smallest measurement. I hope that Kaitlin's decision was everything she was hoping it would be. I just imagine the 'afterlife' would be exactly how we would want it. Or at least the next stage in our being is Understanding and Acceptance. I think she would be happy just to Understand. Anyway, she and I never got too close and I think it was Darren's passing that kept us that way. I feel like she didn't want to let anyone in because it would interfere with her plans. But I know she had a great capacity for love, which I believe also was her weakness. But who could be mad at somebody for loving too much? Not me. I'm sad she's not here to experience everything our new, combined family will accomplish but I'm also relieved for her and happy? for her. When she was near me I could feel some of the weight she carried, though none of us thought it was as heavy all Reality bearing down on you. I'm just glad that the weight she was carrying has been lifted and that she is with the people who love her the most; both who've passed and who are still living. I still have dreams with her in it, and she's always accompanied by my deceased Opa, and occasionally with my favorite dog Tootsie who passed away too. And I like to think that it's them coming to visit me and letting me know they're ok and that they're keeping in touch. Gosh I didn't think I'd get this emotional! :'(

Every single person who knew her has all asked this question of themselves: "If only I had *done this* maybe she would still be here." I know I have. My main question to myself is "I wonder if I had made a harder effort to befriend her, maybe she could've opened up to me, and I could've helped." I really think that for the most part I'm a really grounded, level-headed person and I like to think that I've made a difference in one way or another with my friends. I feel like I could've helped. But the thing that helps me not feel guilty is knowing how hard-headed she was and how independent too. She wouldn't have let me help, I don't think. I think she felt like she owed it to Darren to be miserable. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame him (I don't blame anyone.) He wasn't in the right mind when he took his life. I met him once, and he seemed like a really nice guy. A little clingy, maybe, but a good guy. I feel like there had to be more going on with him than we know about than just Kaitlin.

Anyway, I hope they both have what they wanted, whether it's Understanding or each other.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO :* Christal

Ireland: 2010

Ok, Zack and I are officially going to Ireland next August!! It's on. Zack doesn't believe that we'll really go but we are. Our bookkeeper at work is going to put $75 of every paycheck into a savings for me, and then I'll put $100 of Zack's money every month into the savings account so we'll have a total of $250/month going in. So, if prices stay the same(ish) for the next 5 months, we can buy our tickets then. But we might just have to wait until the prices go back down if the rocket up. Right now they're $600-$700 per person but I heard that last fall they were $1700 per person! Yikes!! So if they go way up, I'll just wait until they go down, even if it means we end up in Ireland late September early October... we're going.

I'll be super excited to FINALLY meet my penpal (she lives in Dublin). She said we could stay at her place, but I'd feel like we're intruding. We'll definitely take her up on the offer for some of the time, but I know from experience that company can get old fast. So I'd hate to outstay our welcome. We'll be in Ireland for like 2 weeks and that's a long time for company to squat.

Anyway, we'll definitely be pubbing, eating, exploring, driving, and staying in crappy, little, experience-building motels/hostels a lot, but there are a few things I definitely want to do:

First thing - visit Leap Castle. Ghost Hunters on the SciFi channel investigated it. It's supposed to be on of the most haunted castles in Ireland with a gruesome past. Of course I'll probably visit it during the day because while yes, I find it interesting, I'm still a big fat chicken. http://www.hauntedcastlesandhotels.com/Ireland/leap.htm

Second thing - Visit Lisheen Ruins/House. Ghost Hunters also investigated this site on the same episode as Leap Castle. It wans't so much haunted as it was supernatural. There were like little teeny bodies appearing out of nowhere on the thermal video camera, and then the caught a face of a wrath or something also. It's my favorite episode. It was the most eventful. This site I will also visit during the day. I don't need to be kidnapped by wraths.... ;)


Third thing - buy a real, genuine, gold claddagh ring. You just can't go to Ireland and not get one of the most iconic Irish things ever made.

Fourth thing - maybe get a tattoo? Something to remind of our time spent there? Not a shamrock, that's too typical. Maybe a.... small Leap Castle portrait? Like a 3''x2'' portrait? I don't know. I've got time to think about it.

Fifth thing - bring back some Irish tea. Hazel (my penpal) sent me some and it was awesome.

Well, I'm sure I could go on and on and on about all the different things I want to do, but I won't... well maybe I will. But in a later post. Anyway, I'm super psyched, motivated and we're definitely going.

First Harvest!

Look at my beautiful little baby radishes! They're super good if you like radishes; nice and tender with a good kick of spice in the middle. I'm so happy! I growing stuff!!

Ode to my wonderful ladies

Last night Zack and I were talking and I came to a giant realization that I have so many great girls surrounding me. My mom is just awesome all around. She's strong, eclectic, and loving.

My pretty sister would do anything for me. Yes, she's pushy and bossy, but that's only because she's so convicted in her beliefs and has a strong opinion. She's going to do the world a lot a of good. She'd be the one who'd be my accessory to a crime if I needed a hand.

My step-mom is one of the sweetest, most patient people I know, not to mention a good cook and a great gardener. That's why my garden's called "St. Snoopy's Patch" because she's the best patron for the job.

My Oma is beautiful and sweet and rarely cusses but when she does it's like hearing a dog speak, it's the weirdest thing.

My best friends Harmony, Britney, and Erin have so many great qualities and the greatest quality they have is acceptance. And all of them are so different! Harmony's my beautiful hippy-chick, Britney's really simple in style but totally funny, and Erin's so colorful and artistic. I love them all.

And even though Valen and I've sort of grown apart, I value her friendship and I know she'd be there for me if I needed it. She's my g-l-a-m-o-r-o-u-s friend ;).

And Roxy too! We've never gotten too close, but I love how wacky she can be!

Harmony's mom is just a beautiful person. She was like a third mother to me (I've been blessed with lots of moms.)

I even have an great pen-pal, who I've never met, but she's been my friend for about.... a year and a half now. She's my shopping buddy. We're always broke together with our Ebay adventures!

And I can see me and Beth being really close friends. We're at different stages in our life but I think we're still a lot alike. I need to go see her soon.

I'm sure there are more out there, but these are the girls that hold an especially special place in my heart... I'm just super grateful for all of them.
Love you guys! ~~~Christal

I'm So Over Durango...

Like it says, I'm so over Durango. I'm sick of the construction, of faux cowboys. I really like the climate (apart from the snow), I love my friends and the greenery. But it's too damn expensive, and the town can't hold all the people who live here now. And that's why there's all the construction. But the construction won't be done probably for like 20 years with the damn bridge they messed up on, the highways that need to be widened, and that damn Florida Rd project. And all the unreported, covered up crime is just stupid. Did you know, last week some idiots on the "South"side" shot out the catholic church's hall windows, and the paper didn't report it.

I've been checking out this site called http://www.smalltowngems.com/ for other nice small towns to move to. I came upon one I liked called Big Fork in Montana (one of my best friends is moving to Montana so I decided to check it out.) The only thing is that it's sooooo far away, sooooo far north, and so supposedly pretty nasty winters. Which is not me. So I continued browsing the states and checked Nevada and found a small town called Genoa http://www.genoanevada.org/. It's super cute! But I figured out that it's newspaper is in Carson City. So I think it's kinda what Hesperus must be to Durango, you know? So I started checking out the area and Carson city is right near Lake Tahoe (which I seriously need to live near water), it's in between where my mom lives (Durango) and where my dad lives (Los Angeles). Here's some pictures of Carson City http://www.visitcarsoncity.com/

So anyway, I'm checking it out....

But I won't be moving very soon if I move at all. I want to go to school first. And I think I've decided to become a Dental Hygienist. I think I'd be really good at it. So that takes 2 years to complete schooling for that. So maybe after.... 5 years, I might move. Now, I have to get my husband on board.

Are women born this way?

Pretty Funny! The title to this video is "Are Women born this way?"